When I get the flu, the first day is the hardest. Not because I'm the most sick but because I stubbornly refuse to admit how terrible I feel and doggedly continue business as usual.

Usually during this day my mind is full of self judging thoughts - "I feel so tired, I must be out of shape." Or, "That class wasn't as good as it should have been, I must not be a very good yoga teacher."

Finally, I cross some inner threshhold, admit to myself that I'm not feeling well, cancel my classes and find the couch.

When I accept my flu-ridden reality, I feel the pain of a sore throat and the discomfort of body aches, but I stop adding insult to injury and compounding my suffering with unrealistic expectations.

Since I noticed this phenomena, I've started to see it everywhere - when I resist how things really are, I suffer.

When I feel that familiar bludgeoning from my judging self, I remember the first rule of yoga - End the War with Reality!

The quicker we can discern what a situation actually is (versus what we think it should be or what we'd like it to be) the quicker we can feel more comfortable.

At the beginning of her workshops, Bhavani, a Kripalu yoga veteran, always says, "I guarantee that your experience will be... exactly what your experience will be." And she's always right.

The quicker we stop trying to make our experiences into something else, the easier our lives will be.

Yoga can help our outer and inner experiences get in synch. A restorative posture called Assisted Fish dissolves layers of resistance to how things are by gently cradling our whole bodies and softly opening the heart.

To come into Assisted Fish, you will need several pillows and/or blankets. Your goal is to make yourself completely comfortable.

• Gather your pillows and make a pile that will create an arch in your upper back and support your head and neck.
• Rest over the pillows letting your legs find a comfortable position.
• Settle into the posture - You should feel a very gentle stretch across the chest. The shoulders, head, and neck should feel supported. If you feel discomfort, rearrange.
• Close your eyes and bring your attention to your breath.
• Stay in the posture for 10 minutes or as long as you like.

You can let the magic of Assisted Fish touch you all by itself. Or, you can more actively participate by using the technique outlined in the "If you're getting married..." section.

The wedding process is a minefield of unrealistic expectations - the most damaging perhaps is that you should feel very happy the whole time.

Don't be fooled by the happy brides in the magazines or the romantic comedies. Getting married is tough stuff. It may include navigating charged family relationships, changing living arrangements, being the focus of a whole community's attention, managing many details and more.

If you are getting married, this is a particularly important time to be on alert for the suffering that unrealistic expectations bring and for quickly acknowledging what is.

Breathe, relax, feel, watch, allow is a basic technique of Kripalu Yoga that can help you open to and move through your emotions rather than push them away. It can be done in Assisted Fish or any other comfortable position.

Use the following directions to coach yourself through your experience and, as they say at Kripalu, "ride the wave".

Breathe: Notice your breath and let it draw you into the present moment and into your body.

Relax: Soften your muscles, particularly in the belly. And, let go of rushing. Give this experience time.

Feel: Rather than saying "I feel sad or I feel anxious" notice the actual sensations in your body. Do you feel tightness in the chest? churning in the belly? pressure at the top of the head? pinching at your shoulders?

Watch: Explore these sensations. Develop a curious mind and watch what happens. Do the sensations change? move? intensify?

Allow: Whenever you feel yourself tighten up against your experience either by clenching in the body or closing the mind, let go. If there are tears, let them come. If there are angry words, let them spill forth.

Breath, Relax, Feel, Watch, Allow is bulit on the premise that the best way beyond our emotions is through them. As you let your emotions move through you, you will feel lighter, more peaceful and more at ease.

I Do Yoga helps soon-to be marrieds navigate the wedding experience with one-on-one coaching and monthly workshops. Join us Thursday May 11, 7:30 - 9:30 at the Watertown Center for Healing Arts.